It's Moore than Enough Already

CDP

Entirely too much space and too many words have been devoted to Roy Moore, particularly in support of him (although the support is invariably not true support at all but merely the shifting of blame) but also in efforts to pinpoint just how we, as a country, got to the point that somebody like Moore still has a shot at winning a senate seat in a conservative, religious state. Given that we are all busy people with other things to read and a full queue of stuff waiting on Netflix, it might be handy to condense all that blame to a single list, the parameters of which are as follows: this is a list of who is to blame through the eyes of a mostly disinterested third party who both despises the federal government and is not a citizen of Alabama, and is, in fact, a citizen of a southern state even smaller, poorer, and more subject to ridicule; this list will likely not be seen as exhaustive by all readers (who the author blames may not be who you blame); and finally, almost every entry will occasion someone to say “but whatabout…???”. The author (me) invites you to take three deep breaths and keep it to yourself. So, having said all that, let’s place some blame.


​1. Any human being who voted in favor of the 17th Amendment. Yes, it’s hard to hold people accountable for something that passed 104 years ago, but in this case, it’s necessary. There is zero doubt that Roy Moore would not be an issue if the legislature of the state of Alabama were still tasked with electing senators, as the Founders intended. We can’t exact revenge on all of them, but Joseph L. Bristow (R-Kansas) should be disinterred and his corpse slapped around for a while. He should then be reburied in light of his also being responsible for Dwight Eisenhower attending West Point.

2. Politicians. All of them. In both the Republican and Democrat parties. Every single one of them has contributed in one way or another to the fact that the federal government is something regular citizens actually think about on a daily basis. This is not how things should work in a representative republic. You made which party controls the U.S. Senate such an important deal: the voters of Alabama are to a large extent just playing the game you started.

3. The political press. Apply #2 to yourselves, only double the enmity. You jackasses are specifically protected by the Constitution because you’re supposed to expose political shenanigans and corruption, but you’ve become mere cheerleaders and scorekeepers. Shame on you. A pox on all your houses.

4. Voters. The politicians and the press may be rigging the game, but you’re still choosing to play it. Instead of boycotting coffee makers and movies, how about a boycott that might actually be noticed on Capitol Hill? How about we boycott paying taxes? Oh, that’s right, we allowed the government to just take it all out of our paychecks. That was dumb. But continuing to view the government as My Team vs Their Team just allows those in power to continue to use you. They do not care about you. The government, from the top all the way down, is a parasite, and it is killing the host. It is a rare type of parasite, however: the host knows it exists and could expel it at any time, but the parasite has managed to convince the host that it is necessary. The host needs to wise up.

5. Everybody not from Alabama. This may be difficult to understand for commentators and politicians who aren’t from a small state, but a large percentage of what support Moore still has is likely due to your bad-mouthing of Alabama voters. Calling people pedophile supporting rednecks is not a great way to convince them of the soundness of your argument, especially after you spent the last year and a half calling them racists in favor of slavery just because they don’t view history the way that you do. And yes, it’s a dumb reason to vote for a guy like Moore. But make no mistake: if he wins, you helped him win. Maybe had you previously kept your noses out of Alabama’s business they wouldn’t be so intransigent now.

6. Last, but not least, is Roy Moore. You should exhibit some sense of personal honor and drop out. Maybe call Bill Clinton. Supposedly he has a friend with an island that sounds right up your alley.