Rebecca de Winter
It seems like a hundred years ago, but back in May, I wrote a piece when Marco Rubio endorsed Trump, saying he would be “honored to speak on Trump’s behalf.” I wasn’t surprised by it, and I said so. I also praised Ted Cruz for his steadfast character in refusing to endorse. Fast forward to the present, and I have a disgusting taste in my mouth from all the crow I’ve had to eat.
To say I was devastated when Cruz endorsed Trump last week is an understatement. I had heard rumors and whispers for at least a week before that, and I scoffed. After all, this was the guy who had the cojones to refuse to endorse Trump at the Republican Convention! He delivered a powerful, moving speech that had me whooping with joy and cheering. When he told attendees and viewers to “vote your conscience,” I had never felt more proud of him, and more vindicated in my long history of defending him as one of the rarest of breeds: a politician with unwavering principles and integrity. He was booed off the stage, but he could hold his head high.
Not for long, it turned out.
RedState writer Jay Caruso was right on the money in a piece he published shortly after the endorsement:
“We want to think the politicians we support are all like Jefferson Smith, ready to take on Washington DC first and then, the world. The reality is, self-interest and political survival take center stage for most politicians, no matter the circumstances.”
Why on earth did I believe Cruz was an exception? I have a list a mile long of the reasons why, but it is a tremendous failure on my part that I left out an obvious and glaring truth: he is, first and foremost, a politician.
I think the most painful aspect of all this is that not only did he obviously make this decision out of pure political calculation, but that it was such an embarrassingly erroneous one. The astute journalist and Texas Monthly senior editor Erica Grieder (I dub her “The Cruz Whisperer”) wrote a scathing, yet fair assessment of exactly why Cruz will rue the day he made this disastrous gamble. (Her outstanding piece, “The Field Guide to Ted Cruz,” is required reading for any political junkie)
As of now, I’ve moved through all the phases of my grief - denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. What I said about Rubio (that I still like him, that I don’t think he’s a bad person) also applies to Cruz. But my conclusion still stands, this time for both of them: as they say, “fool me once, shame on you - fool me twice, shame on me.” I won’t be fooled again.
You were born into a world that insists happiness is your core purpose, a universe in which your “self-esteem” is more important than anything else. Schools, books, popular culture all scream about happiness and “feeling good,” and “safe spaces” and “trigger warnings” are meant to prevent any possible harm to that happiness.
But if you ask me, self-esteem is rank nonsense. For one thing, it is terribly superficial, arguing that the highest purpose of people is nothing more than the pursuit of passing pleasures and the avoidance of any kind of pain. The greatest thinkers of humanity knew better. They knew that this was merely the most basic level of life, not its ultimate end.
Second, self-esteem is a notoriously unstable commodity. It is a bubble, which can be easily inflated by lots of Facebook likes and destroyed by a few nasty comments or critical words. To make even your happiness dependent on “self-esteem” is to live like you’re on an emotional roller coaster and in constant fear of any challenge, even one which may make you stronger.
So let me advise that you take a different path, one advised by those self-same great thinkers of humanity, and which was until recently a very American ethos: forget self-esteem and empty “happiness”—work on your virtue.
What is virtue? For our purposes, virtue refers to beliefs and actions which improve your conduct, attitude, and well-being. Their purpose is not to make you a happier person at all times but to make you a better one.
These can include physical virtues such as taking care of your health, becoming stronger, or using that strength to help others. There are also social virtues such as keeping your word, showing up on time, or avoiding profanity and the like. If you are religious, there are many virtues and codes of conduct to live by, and you can find the system that works best for you. Even if not, more serious secular humanists and pagan philosophers (Confucius, Aristotle, and others) have virtue systems worth looking into for the good life.
Why is virtue better than self-esteem?
For one thing, virtue is forward looking. Unlike self-esteem which is afraid of everything, the virtuous person is always advancing, always improving, always strengthening his mettle in the face of adversity. The virtuous person sees the world as a place to live in, not a Hell to escape from lest he be wounded.
For another thing, virtue is something entirely in your control. While self-esteem is very much defined by others and how they see and treat you, virtue is up to you. It is solely your responsibility and within your power to improve yourself through virtue and live through it. If every last person on earth stopped being your Facebook friend, you might lose your “self-esteem.” But you would still have your virtue, your character, and your self-respect.
Perhaps most importantly, virtue teaches you to work first and foremost on yourself and become a better human being. Self-esteem encourages narcissism and excessive vulnerability; virtue teaches humility, real self-respect, and genuine concern for others as such.
Many in your generation wonder how they’ll change the world. I’m a bit older than you, so let me tell you this: I have never seen anything more influential on the behavior of others than personal example, both good and bad. Personal example has probably made more of a difference in people’s personal lives than every op-ed ever written or empty Facebook status ever posted. Lead a virtuous life publicly and privately, and people will follow in your wake. That’s a “difference” that will last a lifetime, I assure you.
While your friends chase empty happiness, which naturally waxes and wanes, take your time and work on virtue and character. It will make you a better, more contented person long after the thrills of youth have gone.
The Dreaded Question
Rebecca de Winter
The other day, my 13-year-old daughter came home from school, plopped down on the couch, and asked if I had some time to talk. We usually chat about her day after school, so this seemed somewhat significant.
I said, “sure, what’s up?”
There was an awkward silence. She fidgeted, looked down, seemed nervous. Oh, no, I thought. Here it comes. It’s the question parents today fear the most from their children. No, not that one. THIS one:
“Mom, how did we end up with Donald Trump?”
I couldn’t help it. I bust out laughing. I almost couldn’t stop. It was the ideal reaction because then she started laughing, and we laughed together for quite awhile. This was a good start!
I’m not going to go into details of our discussion. The list of reasons we ended up with Trump is a mile long, intensely debated, and has been covered in depth for months. Suffice it to say I feel positive about the ground we covered, and I hope one lesson she takes from it is that voting out of anger is rarely a prudent action.
One thing that surprised me was her revelation that the election is a hot topic amongst her peers. When I was in middle school, politics as a subject of discussion would have ranked somewhere between “brands of toilet paper” and “geography of East Asia.” Apparently, at her school (these are sixth through eighth graders), it is not uncommon for the lunch table talk to frequently turn into raging debates about which “side” will win. They are mostly oblivious about third party options, but I’m still impressed with their level of interest.
The history and social studies teachers often play clips from the news, which perhaps explains some of it. I was amused to hear her anecdotes about how certain soundbites from both Clinton and Trump induced howls of derisive laughter from the students. They may be young, but they aren’t stupid.
And they are paying attention. As much as I despise Hillary Clinton, her ad about the impact of children watching Trump was brutal and spot-on. (Yes, the same could be said about her own corrupt, craven, fraudulent political career)
Sure, they aren’t yet sophisticated enough to grasp the nuances of policy positions and “evolutions,” but then neither are most adults. There’s no doubt the majority of them parrot what they hear at home (my child included), but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. When they test the waters with their confident pronouncements, fellow 13-year-olds with different opinions push back, and hard. Will that lead to introspection and further research? That might be too much to hope for, but it’s possible.
While our conversation had plenty of laughs, there were sad moments as well. I was particularly emotional about my heartbreak over “what could have been.” I described various candidates that, in my opinion, could have ushered in a positive sea change for the conservative movement.
My daughter is well aware I am crushed that our party ultimately chose Trump over so many decent people, so many qualified candidates, so what she said as we wrapped up our talk was touching.
“Mom, if it makes you feel any better, none of my best friend’s parents voted for Trump,” she said, and she hugged me.
Yes, it did make me feel better.
Just a gaggle of people from all over who have similar interests and loud opinions mixed with a dose of humor. We met on Twitter.