Hey, buddy. Could you come in here and sit down for a minute? We need to have a talk. There’s something your mother and I have been putting off discussing with you for a few months now. We think it’s reached the point where we need to go ahead and get it out in the open. You probably aren’t going to like or believe everything we have to say but it’s important for us to talk to you so please pay attention.
First of all, we aren’t angry with you. We want you to know that you aren’t in any trouble and that we’re only trying to protect you. We realize you’ve been through a lot lately, and that a lot of things you were wanting to happen for you haven’t panned out. We know you had a lot of effort and hope wrapped up in those things, and the way you’re feeling is perfectly natural. Hell, we get disappointed sometimes, too. You may not believe this, but we really do know exactly how you feel.
It’s like this: we think your new friend is a bad influence. We think he’s leading you down a path that isn’t healthy for you and will only end in a GED, legal trouble, and a knocked up girlfriend. You’ve only known this kid for a year and you’ve stopped hanging out with all your old friends. You used to be industrious and positive; now if you aren’t running around with him getting in trouble you just mope around here and insult my television programs and your mother’s cooking.
What? No, we don’t hate him. We know you think he’s this cool rebel who does what he wants and says what he wants and doesn’t respect authority, but believe me we know trouble when we see it. What did you just call me? Where did you even learn that word? Oh. Yeah, I had to read The Canterbury Tales in high school, too. Look, we’re getting off track here. Be quiet and let me finish and we’ll both be out of here quicker.
Your new friend isn’t your friend. He’s using you. We know the stuff he’s talking you into doing might actually seem like fun, but trust us, the fun won’t last. Eventually he’ll talk you into robbing a 7-11 and you’ll get caught because he’s actually not very bright and will lock the keys in your getaway car or some shit. Know what happens then? He’ll skate because of his daddy’s lawyers and you’ll wind up doing 4 years in the pen. Even if by some stroke of dumb luck you don’t actually get caught, eventually he’s going to go back to hanging out with his other friends. You know, the ones he won’t ever actually take you to hang out with when he goes? I’ve heard you talking to that girlfriend of yours on facepost or skyppe or whatever the hell it is, that’s how I know. My point is he isn’t like you. You two have nothing in common. When the excrement hits the fan he won’t be there for you.
The point I’m trying to convey is that in life, we all have to make choices. A lot of those choices are really pretty inconsequential. But every once in awhile we’re faced with an important choice, one that will affect the course of our lives. This new friend is leading you to make the wrong choices, and your mother and I are afraid he’s going to lead you into a wrong choice at one of those life altering moments.
Look, some of your old friends have been calling. They’re worried about you, too. They miss hanging out with you. You really should think about giving them a call and just seeing what they’re up to. I know they’d be happy to hear from you. I know you don’t think they’re as cool as this new friend, but a couple of them are pretty solid kids. Just please think about it, for your mother’s sake. She’s very worried about you.
Ok, go on and get out of here. Good talk, buddy. Huh? No, you can’t borrow twenty bucks.
Just a gaggle of people from all over who have similar interests and loud opinions mixed with a dose of humor. We met on Twitter.